Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
