I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
