My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My liver just had a heart attack.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
