i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
