i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
