You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
