why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize