i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
