i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize