i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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