He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
