carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
