Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
