It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
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He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
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just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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