I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
