I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
