Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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