Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
