Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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