I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
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She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
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He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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