I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i came on her dog
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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