I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
