He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
