So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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