It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
