Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
