i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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