Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
