I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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