he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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