So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
