Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
