Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
