We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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