hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
