He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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