I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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