Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
