What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
