I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
