Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
