I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
