"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
