i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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