i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
zippers are such a cool invention
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
