You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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