dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
