Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
