He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
