I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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