I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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