after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
