People in love make me want to vomit
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
