obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
