well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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