i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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