I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
