C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The air was thick with penises
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
