Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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