I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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