You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
