i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
