Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
