You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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