So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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