shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
