I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
