My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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