When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Still dying that you shit outside
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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