what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
