Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
