I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
