i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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