playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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