oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm passing your future prison.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
