So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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